Learning to Trust Again After Divorce

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One of the biggest challenges women face after going through a divorce is learning to trust again. If you had previous trust issues, going through a divorce can significantly increase those feeling and dramatically change how you view yourself and relationships in general.

It is normal to want to protect your heart from feeling that much pain again. The deeper the betrayal, the harder it may be to learn to trust. The fear of being hurt again can make you wonder how you will ever be able to trust anyone ever again.

And yet learning how to trust again is at the core of being able to live a healthy, happy, and full life after divorce.

By keeping this mistrustful mindset, you risk missing out on meeting someone that will truly care about you, and that has your best interests at heart.

So where do you start? You start by building trust in yourself first, then build your trust in friendships, before attempting to trust someone in a committed relationship.

Trusting yourself is a process, here are the steps to get you started

• Forgive yourself. We’re often too quick to remember our mistakes and to forget the great decisions we’ve made in the past. Remember the numerous times you’ve trusted others and been right. Trust yourself to make good decisions.
• Analyze and take responsibility for any part of the blame you may have had in this relationship. You cannot blame your ex for everything that happened and expect things to change in future relationships. Until you take responsibility for your actions and reactions, you won’t be able to move forward and change your mistrustful mindset. 
• Learn to love yourself. Admit that you are not perfect, no one is. Decide what behaviors you will not stand for in future relationships and be prepared to walk away at the first sign of any red flags. Working on your inner strength and mental resolve with daily positive action will help you to have more faith in yourself.

So now that we have slayed our personal dragons, and forgiven ourselves for past mistakes, it is time to take a deep breath and prove to yourself that you are strong enough to put yourself out there again and mingle.

Yes, you may end up dating someone just like your ex, that is honestly my biggest fear given my track record with Libras, but you are stronger now and know what you need and what you won’t tolerate (anymore Libras).

• When meeting someone try to keep an open mind. Give a little trust and then allow the other person to earn more trust over time. Take care of yourself but be reasonable. Not every guy out there is like your ex, don’t always assume the worst. And do not talk about your ex! That’s your past, this is your present.
• Hope for the best, but never let your guard down. Did he admit to cheating on his ex? Does he show anger or resentment towards her? Is he controlling? How does he treat the waiter? You can learn a lot about a person in a short amount of time if you pay attention to their words and actions. Feel free to end the date and leave early if he starts triggering your Spidey senses. Be kind and honest, but don’t waste any more time with this person.
• Take things slowly. Go out on several public dates for dinner, a movie, or coffee. Get to really know each other before jumping into bed together! No overnight dates, no sleeping together, spend quality time together learning about each other’s hopes and dreams for the future. If he is just looking for a hookup, he will not last long and he will remove himself from your life. This is a good thing! If you are not meant to be, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later.

I get it, trusting again is hard. Keep reminding yourself that not everyone is bad. Not every man out there is closed off and incapable of sharing his feelings. There are really great guys out there and you deserve to find one and live the life that you have always wanted!

-Lisa