In a relationship, it is important to know your boundaries and to have a say in what you do. Any time you allow someone to have a negative influence over the way you think, feel, or behave, you give them power over you. They can control your behavior and thoughts, which can ultimately lead to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
To avoid this cycle, it’s important to set boundaries with those who you feel are trying to control you. Make sure you maintain a healthy balance between giving and taking; don’t let people take advantage of your weaknesses or manipulate you into doing things that don’t feel right.
If you are in a relationship where your partner is controlling your behavior, then it is time to get out of that relationship. You deserve so much more!
Consider incorporating these 10 tips on how to stop allowing other people to control you into your life.
1. Have boundaries
Boundaries should be a key piece in any relationship that we have. They help us to protect ourselves and our emotions, and they help us to maintain control over our lives. When people struggle with feeling controlled by someone else, it is often because this person has taken on the power that should only belong to you.
It can be difficult to stand up for yourself when you feel like you are being controlled by someone that is trying to drag you down. But it’s important to remember that you don’t need permission from others in order to be successful or happy.
You have the power and control over your life, and it’s up to you to use it for the good of yourself and those around you. It is never too late to set a healthy boundary, and if the other individual truly loves and cares for your well-being, they will respect your decisions.
2. Avoid the blame game
When we blame, we’re ultimately pushing responsibility onto someone else. People who spend their lives worrying about who to blame for their troubles are removing themselves from the driver’s seat of their own life and future.
Learning to value yourself and your own opinions is the first step in freeing yourself from the control of others. This isn’t to say that everything is your fault. It is about choosing to focus on what you do with the situation instead of on who caused the situation.
3. You are responsible for your own emotions
You cannot blame anyone else for making you feel guilty or making you feel bad about yourself. It is up to you to take full responsibility for how you feel. Rejection is a difficult emotion to deal with, but it’s important to remember that it’s not the end of the world.
When we allow others to control our emotions, we become their puppet. They can manipulate us and make us feel things that we don’t really want to feel.
Ultimately, we have to be the ones who stand up and take care of ourselves. No one else can do this for us. Don’t ever forget that power comes from within!
4. Treat obligations as a choice
There may be things that you don’t want to do, like going to the grocery store. Instead of saying, “I have to go grocery shopping today” flip the language around and say “I have decided to go grocery shopping today.” You are making a choice to do the things that need to get done.
This may seem ridiculously simple at first, but over time this practice will help to put you in a more empowering and even positive frame of mind.
5. Determine your values and stick to them
Determining what matters most to you in life can help you to weed through the many needs that fill your schedule. Without knowing our values, you’re far more likely to follow along with what someone else wants and worry about their opinion of you more than standing up for yourself and doing what you want to do.
Living according to your values, even when things get hard, will always provide much more fulfillment and happiness than the alternative. When you are confident about your own priorities, you are far less worried about other’s opinions of you.
6. Practice forgiveness
Holding onto pain and reliving trauma from the past only hurts you, no one else. Bitterness, resentment, and anger will bring you down and keep you from living the life that you deserve. Pursue happiness and be grateful for the good in life, instead of dwelling on the bad and those that have hurt you.
Forgiving someone does not mean that it was okay, it just frees you to move on and focus on what is important. You never have to see that person again, you just need to let go of the hurt and resentment for your own wellbeing.
7. Your self-worth is not dependent on others opinions of you
If you’re living for the approval of others, you are no longer in control. We tend to be influenced by the people and circumstances around us, but that should never determine your own self-worth.
Learning to see and respect your identity, the things within you that make you individual and valuable is far more important than being concerned about how another person values you.
Focus on what makes you happy, what you enjoy doing. By doing things that make you feel good as a person, you will become more independent and grounded in who you are.
8. You don’t need to prove people wrong
Getting into a battle of wills over who is right and who is wrong never ends well. What are you actually proving? Nothing, you are giving that person power over you.
Work on yourself and determining what you want to accomplish. Let them see what you are capable of and your strengths. That is far more valuable in the long run.
9. Don’t waste time complaining
Nothing is gained by wasting your time and energy on complaining about your ex, your mother, or the guy at work that is not pulling his own weight on projects. Not only will complaining not get you anywhere, but it keeps this person front and center in your thoughts.
Don’t give them the power or the space in your head to control you. It is far better to put them out of your mind and focus on what is important, and what will make your life better.
10. Stop rehashing the past
This is the hardest one for me! What could I have said or done differently. Why didn’t I stand up for myself sooner? Rehashing hurtful conversations over and over again will not change the outcome, it allows that person to live inside your head.
When these conversations start playing out in your mind, you need to find a distraction. Go for a walk, listen to music, call a friend and talk about anything else but the past. Do not continue to give this person the power to bring you down and affect your life.
We all have values which we cherish, but sometimes we forget them when we are in a relationship. It’s important that you don’t lose sight of what’s important to you because of how much time you spend with someone else. You might feel like they’re worth more than anything else, but relationships can’t be built on values alone – they need trust and mutual respect too.
And remember: Your values and self-worth are worth more than anyone else’s opinion.